This weekend marked the 5th annual Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival here in foggy San Francisco. I was in attendance along with thousands of beautifully hideous, bumbling and fumbling 20- to 30-somethings. At first glance, the diversity amongst the crowd seemed minimal. Tank tops and backpacks blended into sun dresses and scandalous mini-skirts. Head bands, brightly colored sunglasses, and furry hats acted as a mask which simultaneously reinforced and demolished individuality...... I wore my normal clothes.
...And yet! Within this sea of Urban Outfitters flannels and American Apparel tights, there were indeed music fans. There were people who really loved the show they had waited 6 months to see. They camped out early, staked a good spot, and screamed their heads off as their new favorite band blew their eardrums out. Sure there were people there who just liked being in the scene, wanted to hang out and talk with their friends, or better yet, roll so hard on synthetic drugs that their face melted off before Franz Ferdinand even hit the stage. But those kind of people are at all live shows. It's a hazard for a passionate introverted music fan, but it's a part of life.
Whilst at the festival this weekend, I lived a bit of a double life. My tolerance for drugs and alcohol and my lack of personal wealth led to a weekend of highs and lows (in terms of sobriety). The following is a list of guidelines I created for the bi-polar festival attendee:
GUIDELINES IF YOU'RE SOBER:
-Drink water.
-The bathrooms closest to the show that just got out are going to be the busiest, plan accordingly.
-If it's later in the day, don't try to get too close to the stage. All the assholes are up there.
-If somebody shoves past you to get closer to the stage, try to hold your ground but don't waste time fighting over it. You're there for the music, remember?
-If you need to get out of a crowd quickly, just start yelling "I'M PEAKING AND FREAKING!" as you push your way outwards. Generally that gets people to move.
-Did you drink any water yet?
-Your cell phone is your friend. Keep it charged, keep in contact with whoever you're trying to meet, and keep your schedule handy.
-Sometimes sitting can be good, but don't sit in a place where you'll get trampled to death. Hills are nice.
-That girl in the short shorts wasn't looking at you. She was looking at her friend a couple rows back.
-Seriously, go get a water. I don't care that they're $4 dollars. You should have known better and brought your own refillable bottle.
GUIDELINES IF YOU'RE DRUNK:
-Drink a chaser.
-The lines for the bathroom are crazy long. But you can always piss behind the port-o-potties. Pretty much everybody is doing it.
-If you get to a show late and your friends are up front, just push your way through the crowd. I mean, yeah, it's a dick move but all your friends are up there. What else can you do? Not watch a show with your friends?
-If some guys wont let you through the crowd just keep pushing and say "Sorry, bro" a lot. People like being apologized to. It helps them forget you're being a total dick.
-Dancing with dudes is cool. Dancing with chicks is cool. Dancing by yourself can also be pretty cool.
-It's important to sit down at some point during the day. Just take a seat anywhere. It's chill.
-Why don't you pop that shirt off, bro?
-Oh shit, you lost your cell phone.
-Dude, that girl in the shorts was totally checking you out. Did you pop your shirt off? Yeah, that's probably why.
-Hey, you should drink some of that water you brought. Oh, it's vodka? Whatever.
All in all, I had an amazing weekend. So many good bands crammed into a such a short amount of time. There were some surprises, some disappointments, some peaks and some freaks. I love all my friends, I love San Francisco, and I love music.
A recap playlist will be coming shortly.
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